Where have the last 4 years gone? Yesterday marked my last undergraduate class at Penn State. Today, I say goodbye to Matthew, the little man I have spent my summer with. Friday I pack. Saturday, I say goodbye.
This week, is one full of gratitude, excitement, happiness and yet many tears. You see, my life is changing, and I am soon to enter into a new season full of unknowns. I am leaving the place I have called home for 4 years, where I have made lifelong friends and the place I dedicated my life to Christ. This very home where I am currently packing, is where I re-gave my life to Christ. I can remember that night so vividly. I was living two lives, living a life that only was leading me towards death. I was wrapped in the temporary satisfaction and my personal idolization of alcohol and men, holding onto my sin of self-righteousness and self-control. That night, September 16th 2014, a moment in my life that I was forever changed. Christ, said to me, you are mine.
The truth is, I felt the Lord was calling me to Asheville, North Carolina and while this summer I spent 10 days there and absolutely loved it, there was a part of my that was not at peace with moving there right away. Was it fear? I don’t know. I have applied for countless jobs. Written too many cover letters, and yet I’m moving back home and am currently jobless. For a minute I throw myself a pity party and ask the Lord why me? Why do I, the girl who has had it all together, and lives by planning, not a have a plan? While my plan didn’t quite go as planned, one of the many things I have learned this past year is that my plans, are most likely not the plans the Lord has for me.
Am I nervous, yes? Yet, I am standing firm in Christ and holding onto the truth. In moments where I feel anxious, I think of Matthew 6:25-34. My discipler and great friend Becky always points me to this verse and it gives me hope. I am reminded of all my past struggles and anxiety and how the Lord has turned them all into blessings. Why would he not care for me during this season?
“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. Matthew 6:25-34
That’s why, as I leave behind so much and say goodbye to a season of my life that has given me so much life, I can’t help but be excited and full of peace. I want a life that allows the brilliance of the treasure of Christ shine through me as I live for him. With our without a job or a plan.
For I know that the LORD is great, and that our Lord is above all gods. Whatever the LORD pleases, he does, in heaven and on earth, in the seas and all deeps. Psalm 135:5-6
The Lord God is great and is above all gods, whatever he pleases he does, and there is no power that can stop him. As I leave here, I pray I continue to live by faith and not by sight; to not look back on my former self and to be reminded that what God has saved me for is far greater than what he has saved me from.
To all of my friends and family who have loved me deeply, motivated me endlessly and never gave up on me, I thank you!!
Till next time!